Blog Salad

Here are a series of unfinished, unpublished blogs in reverse chronological order.... I couldn't seem to finish them for whatever reason. Lately, my urge to write is strong, yet my ability to organize the feelings into words is completely non-existent. I feel like I am a shaken soda can that just needs to settle in order for all of this to become clear... So, setting the soda aside, grab a plate, a fork, and hit up the blog salad bar... all you can eat.

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I find myself fighting the natural progression of "growing up". The funny thing is that I don't want to go back either. Why is that? I can very clearly remember being told to enjoy being young because it goes quickly. And now, I can actually relate to what those adults were trying to say to me... It's like everything around me is changing, and yet in my heart, I feel the same as I always have felt.... just with a lot more memories than before...

Life is funny. Not like funny "ha ha"... but funny as in interesting.... coincidental... ironic... complex.... scary....amazing.... beautiful. I feel the urge to write. And yet, the thoughts won't come together in my head. I feel so much right now. I feel so much all the time.

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The Fever Talking

It is the day after Christmas.... what do some of you call it? Boxing Day? I sure feel like I have been in a boxing match! I had to work today, and about halfway through, a fever hit me like Mike Tyson and a TKO. Ouch.... symptoms galore, all I wanted was my bathtub....even if it was the perfect size for someone 3 ft tall. I may just be being punished for calling in to church... yep. I did. My friend invited me to Christmas Mass and I bailed on her... Do I feel guilty? Yes. I feel guilty about a lot of things. Which is precisely why I should have gone to church. But, I am just not a church-goer. How can I go to a place that feels so strongly about certain things being wrong, that I think are perfectly fine? I like to think that I am a pretty good person....not perfect by any means, but good.

OK... I digress... I didn't really want to get into a theological argument, I just wanted to write about the fact that another year has gone by... and this is the first year I didn't really feel like it was Christmas. I mean, I really tried! I listened to my Christmas mixes, I helped my parents put up their tree... I bought my treeless friend a tree... decorated cookies and gingerbread....and even made a turkey. But somehow, it still didn't feel right. I think the song, "I'll be home for Christmas" really hit me hard this year. I have spent almost 10 years trying to really figure out where home is.... and I still haven't been able to settle. Not because I don't want to, but because opportunities have come and gone... men have come and gone... friends have come and gone and I just haven't planted my roots.

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I find today to be an appropriate time to reflect on every aspect of my life and how thankful I am to be living it. I know that gratitude should not only be felt on one day of the year, but on all. Admittedly, there are days where I forget just how lucky and blessed I truly am. Life certainly has a way of keeping you distracted! But, as I sit in my brother's house with my entire family watching the Macy's Parade, football, the smell of stuffing and turkey fill the room and evoke memories from all the years before. This tradition is very powerful. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Don't Answer

(Like so many stories begin)

......It was one of those nights. Newly-single with a rebound looming....all around me. I found myself in a bar which shall remain nameless. We'll call it, Bar on Smith St. I was with two of my partners in crime, Eric and Peter. We had been drinking most of the night, as usual. It was an impromptu outing spawned by 5 dollar happy hour cocktails at a local Japanese Restaurant.... Our happy hour turned into happy night....

With more drinks, the boys grew tired, and I became increasingly curious of all the patrons around me. Like a wolf ready to pounce, my blurry eyes scanned the room for potential prey. The boys wanted to go, and I understood. I said goodbye and told them I would stay for another drink at the bar. ALONE.

Note: Do not try this at home. Staying out at bar by yourself is very dangerous and could lead to incredibly embarrassing or potentially dangerous situations.

But, the lonely "she-wolf" in me thought it seemed like a great idea. So, I did.

I found an open bar stool and sat down proudly knowing that someone would speak to me at any moment.... and even if they didn't, at least I'd have the bartender! And for those of you who know me well, I have a tendency to become good friends with bartenders.

I came to find out that there was huge party there from a local Law School. Talk about JACKPOT! I was surrounded by tons of lawyers-to-be! And one poor guy decided to strike up a convo with me! I'd like to tell you what he looked like, but honestly I don't remember. I'd like to tell you what we talked about, but again, I don't remember. But, I do remember him saying, "Wait, are you here ALONE?"

Yep. (Awkward) I am. I am here alone! And there was a tiny part of me that thought, maybe this wasn't such a great idea.

That was the guy to the left. We'll call him Don't Answer 1. Then, there was the guy to the right. He's Don't Answer 2. He was taller, and darker, but that's about all I remember. I remember him impressing me a little bit more than D.A.1. I was closing one eye, you know the trick, to try and see a clearer image of him. At that point, I should have acknowledged the fact that it was time to go home....

BUT NO! There was still the bartender! After D.A.1 and D.A.2 had long since left the bar, I continued to shut the place down while keeping Bartender company. We laughed, about what I can't recall, drank some more, as if I needed it, and he told me to wait for him. So I did.

I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. What exactly was I planning to do at 3 AM? Thank goodness he was a gentleman, and walked me home.

The next morning, I awoke with several missed calls from unrecognized phone numbers. There were voice mails that I'd soon rather forget. Images like a slide show began to flash in my head from the night before: Saying goodbye to Eric and Peter - Grabbing a seat at the bar - GnT - Some blond guy to my left and some irresponsible public displays of affection - Some brown haired guy to my right - A Bartender with gorgeous arms laughing and walking me home. Three guys, who saw me in some of my worst moments, who I vowed to NEVER see again if I could help it. I quickly labeled the unknown numbers as Don't Answer 1 and Don't Answer 2 in my address book.

Not one of my prouder moments.... But "To err is human...." Right Mr. Pope?

To this day, I receive many a late night call from Don't Answer 2. I think 1 got the hint. It is almost on the verge of stalker level. So if you can take anything away from this ridiculous story in the pages of my life, it's

1) Don't go out alone.
2) Don't write your number on bar napkins, and if you do, write a fake one, and if they try and call you to make sure you didn't write a fake one, say you have to go to the bathroom and get the hell out of there.
3)Don't let bartenders walk you home.
4)Don't let your friends let you stay out without them.
5)Don't drink. (Well, have a few, but know when to say when)
6) If you do accidentally give your number out without recollection, just label the person as DON'T ANSWER in your address book and DON'T ANSWER!!!!!!!

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To put an exclamation point or not to put an exclamation point..... that is the question (mark).

Why is it that punctuation holds so much power?? When you think about it, each punctuation mark by its very name sounds like some sort of unspoken bodily function (colon, semi-colon, period, etc) and yet, when used properly, they can manipulate your readers in such ways that can completely change the way a message may be interpreted....

(12:00 AM-text) Hey.... just got home.... sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow. See you at 7.

-or-

(12:00 AM-text) Hey! just got home!!....sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow!! :) See you at 7!!! :D

A few well placed exclamation marks can lead your boss to believe that you work ethic is infallible and that you are this year's number one nominee for employee of the year. Adding in those clever "emoticons" which are really just combinations of colons, parentheses, hyphens, P's, D's, etc, can really take your message over the top allowing your reader to actually visualize and believe that you are smiling, laughing, crying, sending flowers, kissing or even sticking your tongue out as you write.... riiiiiiiiighhhhht.......

:) :-) :o) :D :( :'( ;) :0 :P <3 @--->--->---- :* You get the picture....or emoticon. !

This all crossed my mind yesterday as I was walking down Lexington Avenue and I received a text message from my employer. It was a text about changing my hours for the week, ultimately resulting in fewer hours. On one hand, I was annoyed at the last-minute text. On the other hand, I was excited to have an extra day off. I composed my reply several times before settling on how I would respond.

"That's fine. Whatever works best for you." (No...... feels like I don't care...)

"That's fine!!! Whatever works best for you!!!" (WOAH! Way to excited and eager)

"Sounds good to me! Whatever works for you!!) (UGH Sounds like I don't want to work anyway...)

...so I decided on....

"Sure!" (Perfect... less is more)

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How was the salad? For some reason, I am still hungry! -M