Ten Years Ago...

Ten years ago I was busily preparing to say goodbye to my hometown, my closest friends, my boyfriend, the house of my childhood, and my family. I would leave the swim team I had participated in for 12 years, the dance studio which had become like my second home, the familiar roads, stores, bike trail, Mt. Diablo, and so much more. But, all of those memories would carry me to my new adventure. I had just graduated from Acalanes High School and was on my way to Newport Beach, California to attend the University of California, Irvine as a double major in Biology and Dance. I would be the next doctor who performed both in the hospital and on the Broadway stage!

I never would have imagined what was to come of the next ten years. If a fortune teller would have told me I'd move to New York for a Musical Theater program, quit biology, and dedicate my life to theater and dance, I MAY have believed her. If she had also mentioned things were to end between me and my high school sweetheart, I might have questioned her abilities. If she would have continued to say that I would leave school altogether to move to Japan, work for Disney, and marry a musician, I would have asked for my money back.....

We cannot predict the future, nor can we change our past. It is a part of who we are and who we are to become. I am so proud of all I have accomplished and experienced in the last ten years. It may be quite different than what I had originally hoped for ten years ago, but it only makes me excited to see where the next ten years will take me!....Although, I will try not to hope for too much. I found out things never turn out the way we think they will.... -M

Oops I Did It Again.....

We all have those moments.... you know... the ones in life where you think to yourself, "Did I really just do that?" "Did I really just say that to him (or her)?" "Did I really just trip in front of them?" "Did I really just ask about the girlfriend that they just broke up with?" "Did I seriously just spill my entire glass of wine on myself in front of everyone?" Need I say more? We find ourselves in these precarious situations, some more often than not, and yet we still manage to repeat the same mistakes over and over again in social situations. You know.... the ones that drive us to eat extreme amounts of cheese or chocolate.... or lead us to tear-stained pillows or late night phone calls to our best friends... I wish I could say that my life was free of these inconvenient embarassments, but it is actually full of them! I find that in retrospect, these moments give me more strength in the end. I am capable of taking full responsibility for all of my actions... even when wine is involved. ;) And, ultimately, it is not what others think of us, but what we think of ourselves that matters the most....right??? -M

"Oh what a tangled (World Wide) Web we weave...."

If only Sir Walter Scott had lived to see the day of the truly tangled World Wide Web. If it gives me something to write about, you can only imagine what it might have provoked him to write.

It occurred to me the other night as was drifting into dreamland that we not only have to consider the mark we put on the world, but also the mark we put on the world wide web. We have no capacity to censor what others may put on the internet about us. Similarly, most things we post on the internet are free for the taking. The age of the internet has brought the world closer to us, and us to the world. For all I know, Brad Pitt has surfed my MYSPACE.... one can only hope right?

Given that a small part of our lives is displayed for public viewing, be it on YouTube, Myspace, .Mac, or whatever social networking sight of choice, I can only feel like a bit of a celebrity myself. (no autographs please) With well over 1000 hits to my blog and over 2,200 hits to my MYSPACE since December (when I signed up), I only hope that the impressions I have made are positive ones...

So, ultimately with the digital age, it is imperative to be aware of what we deem internet-worthy. And of course, we all have those moments in life we would rather forget. So, pray your friends delete those unfortunate digital pictures... you never know when they may end up on the world wide web...-M

Little Old Lady

Finally, it was my day off. This week had been long, but of course, it was no longer than any other. I knew that this weekend needed to be different. It needed something new. There was no way I could sit at my computer or confine myself in my room. I really needed out. I decided a bit of fresh air would do me some good.

A walk was the perfect idea. After all, the sun was out and the winter's chill had long since left us. I began walking. Plugged in to my iPod, I related to the lyrics and considered the songs one after another in my own context of life. It was great to have some fresh air.

As I continued on, I noticed a little old lady coming towards me. She was walking as well, but time and life had certainly taken its toll on her body. She was hunched over and walking with hands clasped behind her. She was very petite and I wondered if years before she had once been taller? She walked very slow, in small shuffling steps, but nonetheless with direction. I wondered if she was someone's mother, grandmother, or sister? Where was she going? Or, was she simply taking a walk for some fresh air just as I was?

We passed each other and it occurred to me that my bike was still parked at work. I knew it was the perfect weather to continue on, pick up my bike, and ride it all the way back home. When I reached my bike, I placed my things in the basket, turned up my iPod and headed home. I had completely forgotten about that little old lady. But, as I rode my bike, I saw the very same woman continuing towards me. I had covered almost my entire trip to and from work before she had even made it home. I realized how lucky I was to be in good health. I realized how lucky she was to be able to walk and enjoy life. Then I considered the reason why fate had brought us together again.

We go through life surrounded by strangers. Each individual with their own path is surrounded by strangers themselves. However, on occasion, you notice someone, or something. A bird perched outside your window all day sings to you as you clean your house. A bug sits beside you at the bus stop happily shaded from the sun. A baby smiles at you from her mother's lap on the train. A little old lady walks beside you on your quest for fresh air. I have always considered the reasons why we notice some things as opposed to others. Why do some people become a part of our life and make a mark on our memory while others just fade away into their own journeys?

We can never know why certain people places or things impact our life or our memories, but I am content to know that they hold a small or a big place in my life's journey. And perhaps even I hold a place in the memories and journeys of others..... -M

Spring Cleaning

Spring has arrived and despite the fickle weather, I am inspired! The cherry blossoms have come and gone and April showers are bringing out beautiful flowers. My life could also use a bit o' spring..... spring cleaning that is! It is really amazing how things can pile up in a matter of 7 months in a studio apartment. Do I really need to save that bus ticket from my trip to Hokkaido? Will I really wear that shirt I HAD TO HAVE 3 years ago that still has the price tag on it? Let's face it: probably not.

Similarly, my computer is chuck full of music and pictures and movies that are taking up precious space and speed. My computer is more of a mess than my closets! Ironically, it is supposed to make my life easier! So it is time to organize those iTunes, delete those unwanted photos that no one should ever see and use my external drive the way it was meant to be used!

Lastly, spring has inspired me to get my life on track as well. (This is not only because bikini season is around the corner) I want to stay on top of my business, exercise, diet, and social life! I need to find a balance among all of the things that are important to me and make me happy......This is really beginning to sound like those New Year's resolutions I made several months ago..... oops...... Well, as I said before, there is always tomorrow!

So pour yourself a glass (for me it would be red wine) raise it up, and make a toast to spring! May it inspire us all to begin anew, plant some flowers, pay taxes, get rid of piles, lose weight, dust under the bed, and smile! -M

Turbulence

Please fasten your seatbelt as we expect some turbulence on our decent.

It was a rough landing to say the least. As I squeezed my friend's hand and closed my eyes, I once again realized I placed my life in the hands of a pilot I had never met.

Every time I get on a plane, I wander down the aisle to find my seat. I shove my things beneath the seat in front of me, fasten my seatbelt, and wait for take off. I grab the free magazine in the seatback pocket and pretend that it is interesting to me. I read it just long enough to distract me from the takeoff process; the defiance of gravity. I find the crossword or the sudoku that some previous passenger had attempted to solve and imagine what he or she might have been like. I find the map of the world and look up my destination and also consider which other corner of the world I may like to visit someday. I dare not read the safety instruction card for fear of jinxing the flight. My friend, however, picks up the safety information and laughs at the animation. I quickly realize how my silly supserstitions can cause my imagination to get the best of me. I sit back, relax, and enjoy my flight.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned off the fasten your seat belt sign.

We landed safely. It was an amazing trip, as usual. Will the few moments of turbulence that ignited fear prevent me from flying ever again? No. How can I ever see what I want to see or do what I want to do without taking a chance to get there? Enough said..... -M

Today....

...I will wake up. I will have coffee. I will take a shower and brush my teeth. I will wash my clothes. I will clean the house. I will write a thank you note. I will check my email. I will water my plants. I will open the window. I will take out my trash. I will recycle. I will ride my bike. I will buy some groceries. I will think about my friends. I will miss my family. I will try and excercise. I will question what tomorrow may bring. I will hear music. I will smile. I will eat. I will worry. I will think. I may cry. I will laugh. I will live.... -M