Taking The Plunge....

If I can offer one piece of advice for all of you out there, always have a toilet plunger on hand.....

You all are aware of a little thing called Murphy's Law? ("Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way"-Wikipedia) Well, I am quite familiar with this particular law in my life. I feel as though Murphy is laughing at me somewhere saying, "I told you so!"

I am pretty sure no New York experience would be complete without an disaster in the bathroom of your new apartment. But did it HAVE to happen the morning HE decided to stay the night?

I snuck out of bed to get my morning routine done in order to to give him the time he needed to get ready for work without me being in the way. I flushed the toilet using my ever-so-absorbant Charmin super soft T.P. and hopped in the shower. I couldn't wait to see if he wanted to grab some coffee together or maybe even some breakfast before he left.

I started to condition my hair and I heard a loud dripping sound that was in no way related to my shower... "Uh oh" I thought.... As I peaked out from behind my shower curtain, to my total horror, my entire bathroom was flooding and flooding FAST. As my purse started to float away and my clothes for the next day were now saturated with toilet water, I panicked and realized it was 8:30 in the morning, I had a guy in my bed, my bathroom was flooding, and I didn't have a plunger. His alarm would be going off soon, and I had to act fast! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*%!!!!!

I threw on a hat over my non-rinsed conditioned hair and a juicy suit sans underwear and ran downstairs to the local grocer. He spoke little English and as tried to show him "plunger" in sign language, I realized that not only was I NOT getting the point across, but the gesture looked just a bit sexual! Imagining the water rising, I ran to the corner Rite-Aid Pharmacy and asked for a plunger. "Sorry hun, but we don't carry them." In total and utter desperation to prevent any further embarrassment, I asked for the Rite-Aid manager. After being paged over the sound system, the manager reluctantly approached me.

I realized was about to ask a man I didn't know to lend me his plunger. And I did ask him. And he gave me one. (Thank God) And I ran home to take the "plunge" but not in the good way, I can assure you.

All the while, he slept soundly in my new bed furnished by Sleepy's covered in soft white bedding surrounded by brand new pillows... and I threw every towel I owned on the floor along with some clothes and tried to mop up the mess. With my pants rolled up to my thighs, I mopped, and squeezed it outside the window, mopped and squeezed, mopped and squeezed.... oops... I may have mopped and squeezed on to someone below. This was just another victim of my overflowing disaster.

Finally, the bathroom was relatively back to normal, but not before he had peaked his head in the bathroom only to see me wringing out one of my towels. Trying to explain this situation to someone you're trying so hard to impress is just...well...awkward. I mean, toilets overflow from time to time. It's just that no one really wants to surmise just WHY a toilet has overflowed, especially with someone you are starting to date. And with that, he left my house, and left me with the discomfort of sheer embarrassment.

Well, to be honest, I am not sure if wine-buying pinkie grabber will be back to 31st Ave in Astoria. And seeing as how I try to keep my eyes and ears open for signs, maybe he's just not supposed to. Maybe my toilet was trying to tell me something?

In an effort to see the toilet "half full", I realize that I will be the proud owner of a brand new plunger, just what ever city girl is dying to have! -M

Signs

Once again I find myself drinking another grande non fat no whip mocha in my friendly neighborhood Starbucks in Greece away from Greece, Astoria New York. I partake in the 2 hours of free internet with the purchase of a Starbucks card because I still have no cable or internet. I ponder all the things I need to get done before I start my new job tonight... and slowly I realize they will not fit into my small time frame. Just as I look up from behind my macbook, a tiny san sai (3 year-old) walks past the window with her father. Dressed in a colorful tank top and walking quite independently, she looks to me sitting in the window and I smile. She smiles back brightly with her beautiful blue eyes looking up to me and waves as three year-olds do... I just know it is going to be a great day.

It made me think about all of the signs I have come across in my life. Do you ever tend to look at the clock at a certain time ALL the time? My perfect time is 1:21. Well, that number in general reoccurs for me everywhere. Whether is is an address I stumble upon when lost, a seat in a theatre, my change etc. It is actually the digits of my birthday. (December 1) Coincidence? I like to think it is some divine reminder of the importance of my place in this world. Just last night, in my moment of sleeplessness, I rolled over to grab my cellphone at exactly 1:21 am.

The other night, I was checking out a night spot for a potential job. I wanted to get a sense of the place before I applied for a job. My friend and I sat on the N train and gossiped about the day and the people around us. Just then, a girl stepped on to our car wearing a tank from the very place we were going to check out! I knew I was doing the right thing. AND after seeing the venue, I was convinced I DID NOT want to work there. Thank goodness I didn't apply first!

These are just a few examples, but the signs are everywhere! If you just open your eyes and your ears, someone is trying encourage us on our way! It could be a song on the radio that speaks to you perfectly in the context of that moment in your life. It could be a certain time on a clock. It could be a dream. It could be a little girl that makes you realize the world is truly a beautiful place and to waste time worrying or being afraid is only a waste of precious energy and time.

It is definitely going to be a great day! -M

Distracted

I took a small sip of my overly sweetened grande non-fat no-whip mocha and saw my pinkie politely up in the air. It made me laugh... I first imagined old fat ladies in lace-trimmed dresses having tea and crumpets on doilies with their pinkies in the air... and then I remembered how he had grabbed it and laughed at me last weekend as I drank the wine he had bought for me. I hoped he would call me today...

I know that I said previously that some distractions can be fun. Please don't get me wrong. They certainly are! The very reason we distract ourselves is to avoid the things we must do which usually are not nearly as interesting. Or, in some cases, we have to block out or ignore something that is too difficult to face head-on.

Distractions are like the tiny devil that sits on our shoulder. It can be incredibly difficult to find focus in the midst of his thick smoke. More often than not, I find myself inhaling the smoke in huge drags. But time is running out... I no longer have the luxury of putting things off until tomorrow. Today is the day, and that devil needs to take a leap.

I want to work professionally in New York. I want to be successful. I want to be independent. I want to love what I do....and eventually, I do want to fall in love. But that pinky-grabbing, wine-buying distraction is not going to to stop me from doing all of those things first....

...unless of course he calls me... ;) -M

Insomnia

I am two days late in returning my rental car. Why is my brain so clouded? It can't be the residual vicodin I took last week? Maybe it is life facing me full on like a flasher that won't shut his trench coat? Maybe it is being unable to unwrap my heartstrings from a certain someone I know is not healthy for me. Or maybe it is how I screwed up my chance at the job I came here to get? D. All of the above.

I have never experienced insomnia. Usually my bed is like Tylenol PM… (unless...) But the last several nights have been so restless and sleepless. I can only wonder whether someone is trying to get me to rethink my choices. Right now, everything is so blurry. My brain is like a kaleidoscope that won't focus. It is a broken eight ball that is stuck on "it's complicated". Yet and in the midst of all of my confusion, comparatively speaking, I am one of the luckiest people I know.

Believing in the cliché "what's meant to be will be" means accepting where you are. So I must be in the right place, right? My usual mantra is beginning to sound more and more like a huge band-aid. I just want to close my eyes and rip that band-aid off quickly so the reality of my situation won't hurt so badly. Maybe facing it eye to eye will help me focus on what needs to happen next. How can I get that kaleidoscope to form a beautiful combination of colors and patterns that are clear and crisp?

Well, truthfully, I don't know how I am going to do what I want to do and I don't know how long it is going to take me. But I do know that down the road, I will never feel a sense of regret for not trying, even if I get a little distracted along the way. Besides, some distractions can be a lot of fun if you know what I mean….-M

Vegas

Yet another plane and another glass of wine finds me in the land of the free and the home of the brave. I am flying to a latitude and longitude that will hopefully help me forget what's on my mind for about 2 and a half days. Flying away from the coast, I quickly forget about the unemployment that hangs over my head. I forget about the two Davids that compete for a title that may win them a lifetime of fame. I forget about the fact that he hasn't called in two days. I forget the damage I did on my visa at Nordstrom today. I forget how scared I am to forget that mouse in the East.

Maybe I could win something? Maybe I could undo the damage from Nordies? Maybe I could meet the man of my dreams? Maybe I will get sun burned. Maybe I am procrastinating the inevitable?

We all make our own personal journeys to this mecca of lights and temptation. For me, it is an ever so brief visit with good friends and a chance to brush shoulders with lady luck. As my nearly empty plane prepares for a landing, I realize how happy I am. I am so happy to be seeing my friends. I am so happy to be heading to Vegas, even in this crazy heat. I am happy I sprang this bit of money to make this trip. I am happy period. And all in all, I think that says a lot. -M

Playback....

After my fourth glass of wine, I reached into my bag and grabbed my digital camera. The pressure from the change in altitude made my ears pop, but also aided in getting the buzz going…..I took my usual cocktail of benadryl and wine, and I looked out the window to my right and watched as the tarmac crew prepared the plane for take off. The attendants gossiped a little too loudly in the galley, and I realized that over hearing a conversation and being able to understand it would soon become a normality for me once again. Back to the camera. The mixed nuts arrived. The iPod played a song that recalled a memory that made me smile. I went to playback mode on my cybershot. I viewed each moment caught on my memory card in reverse order. I rewound my life for the past six months. I laughed aloud at some pictures, and wondered if the guy next to me wanted to look. To see it all in reverse…knowing all that I know…feeling all that I felt and am feeling now brought tears to my eyes. I blinked to clear the tears away knowing that it all had only occurred in what seemed like a moment.

The attendant tried to make idle conversation as I pulled out one earphone from my iPod. The lyrics accurately reflected my feelings and I tried to make small talk with her. I looked around and realized that there no longer was anyone to laugh with me. My friends were gone and lost to this big world. He was an hour ahead of me flying through the air that was to separate us. It was just me myself and I alone on an airbus taking me to a place that now seemed more foreign than the foreign country I had chosen to live in the past 8 years.

I again glanced out of the oval window beside me. I looked down upon a mattress of clouds that seemingly supported the air with which I flew. This was the same air with which he had flown. It was the same air that would reach my friends all over the world. It was the same air in which my family would await my return. It was the air that was bringing me back to a life that would force me to say goodbye to people places and things that were held so dearly in my memory.

After a deep breath and a glance to see whether the lavatory is occupied or not, I decided to close my computer and get some rest. The playback ran through my mind as I closed my eyes to see the ever-changing design on the back of my eyelids.

I hope I can get some sleep tonight…or today… or whatever…..it is time to dream again... -M

You Live, You Learn

A wise person once said, "You live, you learn." Or was it Alanis Morissette? Well, now more than ever I find those words flying through my head in an attempt to make me feel better. I have lived now for 29 years, 2 months and a few hours. I have learned a million things. But some things I will just never understand, no matter how hard they are to learn. Like, why do some people insist on being dishonest? And why do some people, like me, always end up believing them?

Living and learning.... it can seriously hurt like a bitch. -M