How Big is Your....

...personal space???? My personal space was tested on my flight home a few days ago....

As I boarded my plane with the rest of the cattle in the economy class, I made my way down the aisle to 21 C. I had an AISLE seat! I hoped the two middle seats would remain empty, but when the attendant announced the "very full flight", I knew I would be sharing my row. I shoved my laptop and purse beneath the seat in front of me and patiently waited to put on my seat belt.

"Excuse me, I will be sitting next to you." I glanced up and saw a very large man. He was covered from neck to arms in tattoo and had piercings in his ears where I wasn't sure holes should be! I quickly hopped out of my seat to give him way. I sat back down, and he stood back up reaching around me to the overhead bin.... well, I now had an excellent view of the tattoo art on his backside... or shall we say plumber's behind?? I have nothing against tattoos, piercings, etc. In fact, there have been many-a-time when I have considered a small secret tattoo of my own, but I did know that being this close to this man was definitely making me uncomfortable, not for who he was, but because of my personal space.

I decided to make the most of my new neighbor. As dinner was served, I asked him what he had been doing in Tokyo. To my surprise, he was a tattoo artist. We had a lovely chat about his studio in San Francisco and his new studio in Tokyo. He told me that he was learning the traditional Japanese method from the best tattoo artist in the world who happened to be in Japan tattooing for the Yakuza. We discussed the stigmas against tattoos in Japan. And he even felt close enough to me to tell me about how the first time a Japanese woman saw him naked, she felt he looked clothed with all of the tattoos.... (Whether it was a closeness in proximity, or my constant ability to have people tell me their life stories, I don't know) We chatted over our gourmet airplane food, and I quickly finished off my second 5 dollar bottle of mini red wine. I was quite please that I had the chance to talk to this guy. We were seemingly the most unlikely pair of neighbors to chat away. I knew the 8 and a half hour flight wouldn't seem as long as I though it would, and that the disturbance in my personal space was slowly dissipating. Maybe my personal space wasn't so small after all?

I slowly reclined my seat the maximum two degrees and tried to go to bed. My neighbor did too. He began to stretch and digest his dinner, burping (loudly) and grunting, and snorting through his nasal passages. Maybe he had a cold. Maybe he had acid indigestion issues. I don't know. But HOW can you do that in public when sitting SO CLOSE to someone who clearly cannot move?...very far? I knew my personal space was still as small as it had been before getting to know my new friend. So, I faced the precious free space of the aisle, turned my iPod up loudly, and prayed for sleep.... how I miss business class..... -M

Regret....

Ahhhh regret. By definition:
re·gret /rɪ--grɛt/
–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.) - dictionary.com

Have you ever truly regretted something in your life? I often ask myself this question.... There are definitely moments in my life where regret floated above my head like a dark cloud. But, regret is really just not taking responsibility for our actions. I know I am not perfect. I am bound to do things that I never imagined doing. But to throw it all away to regret and not learn from why we make the decisions we do is just cowardice. So, now as I find that dark cloud looming above my head, I try my best to remember a little something about regret.....

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

-M

California Burning....

A few nights ago, I fell asleep with the tv on in my room. I awoke around 3:30 out of a deep sleep and glanced at the tv screen. To my surprise, the headline on CNN read "Rancho Bernardo, San Diego in Flames"..... and my heart began to pound.

Years ago, I was in Japan when my sister bought her first home. It was nestled in a beautiful community called Rancho Bernardo, California. She had spent much of her adult life in San Diego making her place as a labor and delivery nurse and now it truly would become her home. As a little sister, I couldn't have been more proud of her. An ocean away, I looked at pictures of her big move, her exciting change, her beautiful home.

As I woke up out of my sleep, I ran to the computer to try and contact my family. My parents and little brother and his wife were all in San Diego for the weekend to participate in the American Cancer Society's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in San Diego. Sure enough, they all had evacuated to Orange County, along with my middle brother and his fiance who also reside in San Diego. I was so relieved to know that everyone was safe. But the sinking feeling in my heart was overwhelming. I couldn't imagine the stress my family was experiencing. I imagined the thousands of people displaced. I wondered how they could deal with not knowing whether their homes were gone.... I thought about all of the animals.... I thought about the children who might be so scared and the elderly people who needed assistance....I thought about the many amazing memories I had with my sister in her house.... and I wanted to cry.

Living in Japan, I have experienced our nation and world's worst disasters through the tv screen. In 2001, I watched the World Trade Center attack live on CNN. I watched the terrible tsunami in 2004 in Southeast Asia. I watched as Hurricane Katrina approached and destroyed the Gulf Coast in 2005. In each instance, feeling so helpless, I cried for the loss of those I had never met. In all of these moments, I had never felt so far away from home and from my family.

As I sit at my desk, watching California burn, writing this blah-g, I realize YET AGAIN just how far away from home I really am. It becomes quite clear just how important family and friends are to me. I recognize that people's lives can change in an instant. I realize I don't want to feel so far away anymore........

My heart goes out to my sister and my brother as they wait for news on their homes. My thoughts and prayers are with all of the people affected by the California Wildfires.... I wish I could be home to help. -M