There's a magical hour... where the emails start to pour in to our mailbox, and make our phones, laptops, and ipads make that little ringing noise.... For a moment, you imagine who it could be sending you an email.... and then you hope for who you'd like it to be.... and for a fleeting moment, you even further dream about what it might say. Then you actually pick up the phone, check your email and realize it's that catalogue where you ordered your long underwear sending you an exclusive offer with another purchase.... it is soon followed by other similar emails, that quickly head to spam town....
Should I DELETE CONTACT? I swear just having it on my iphone is slowly starting to drive me crazy. Should I tear up that business card? Just knowing that it is in my wallet is making me nervous!!! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?? We are surrounded by bright signs, especially in Tokyo, cute mascots, clever commercials and advertisements, maps that can locate us via satellite..... These signs and maps tell us where we are, what to buy, how to feel...And yet, deciphering the simple nuances of human interaction can be completely and utterly impossible. When did living in a world where technology and communication is so easy did trying to understand people become so hard? I guess if Apple could figure out an upgrade, or app, or new device that would read minds, my love life, or lack thereof could be understood a little better!
He told me that he thought I had moved on to someone else. I told him that I lived in Japan. It's not that he was a default... Its just that between work, and life, and a huge language barrier, the odds are definitely not exactly in my favor. They say it takes two to tango. Well, this is true, but at some point, it does become blatantly obvious that the accordionist has gone home, the club is dark, and I am left standing alone in a fabulous tango dress with only the faint memory of a dance by the worn out wooden floor beneath my feet. You can't tango with someone who's not even there in the first place.
From what I could tell, the night went extremely well. Hands were held, darts were thrown, drinks were had, pictures were shared, dancing was danced, and the night ended as it should have (or well, should have if we wanted to get caught misbehaving downstairs by his roommate) And in the morning.... It was a rush for the door, a quick kiss goodbye, a very hungover walk to the train hoping to God that I had enough on my suica to get home....and the slight impression that I may not see him again for another three months if ever. Do I really want to be that girl? Not really. Do I have much of a choice? Kind of...
Several back and forth meaningless texts later inititated by the both of us, I have come to realize that my call of duty was his call of booty! I mean, i know North Korea ans South Korea are on the brink of war, but was he seiously falling off the face of my earth again?? He did wish me a Happy Thanksgiving via MMS. He hoped that my turkey was delicious. THANKS! What is THAT supposed to mean? Have a nice life, I'll call you in three more months and see if you will meet up with me again? Or does it just mean that he really wishes me a great Thanksgiving, and that my turkey is delicious?. Well, it was.... And so was the stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie. And you would had known that if you had made some sort of an effort to call and ask..... Malone, tango party of one?
Friday turned out to be a saucy night. A very soy saucy night. Moving on from the front lines with my top gun, I got my nails done in Ginza and headed out with the single ladies of work. We were bar hopping like rabbits.... We finally found a place to stay a while, and the crowd seemed fun. The DJ was playing all of my requests, and it turns out the owner was not only hot, but wanted to buy us free bevies. (shots, I would greatly regret the next morning) a group of friends we dancing beside us, and one thing led to another and I was talking to a very unexpected gut who was totally not my type. I was having a very Charlotte York/harry Goldenblatt moment and decided to go for it. He was funny.... Well dressed.....spoke perfect English.... And was singing all of the music at the top of his lungs.... (karaoke??) and it turns out, he has some relation to a very famous soy sauce company.... Converstaions were had, cards were exchanged, phone numbers were input, a night out to dinner was offered, and kisses were exchanged (not sure who initiated that....and it could have very well been me)
It's probably a good thing I didn't discuss my loathing of seafood....sushi, etc... And my rare need for soy sauce.
And now, the card and contact sit taking up space in my wallet and the memory of my phone slowly taunting me while the little devil on my shoulder keeps whispering, "he's never going to call ( sinister laugh)" and the little angel on the other side pleads for me to not even think those thoughts in the worry that the universe may listen....
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Fall
In the distance, I can hear the droning sound of the yaki mol truck slowly stalking the streets of urayasu-shi. It is a sound that has come to remind me of home, or of A home. It is also a sound that in the beginning of it all, slightly made me feel like a foreigner in a strange land... I didn't know what it meant.... I thought it was some sort of strange religious chant. Who knew it was just a guy trying to sell sweet potatoes?
The air is becomig crisp again, one of the four distinct seasons is beginning to show its face in the leaves and in the air and in the sky. It is fall in Japan, and I truly love this time of year. I think I have always loved it no matter where I have lived. I hiked Mt. takao this weekend amongst what seemed like the entire population of Japan. We all had come to see nature show its true colors. And while we were at it, grab an asahi and mochi on a stick on the way. Although a little early, some leaves had already begun their transformation while the majority of others remained green as if they were jealous of the colors of their unique neighbors.
It seems appropriate that things in my life would fall into place in the fall. It's like the leaves of my life are falling into a perfectly formed pile that doesn't need a rake. Its the perfect pile of leaves that you would want to just dive right into and toss up in the air in celebration. But even though certain aspects seem to be falling into place, it is inevitable that other aspects of my life are still clinging on like fall leaves that don't want to leave behind their branches..... They just can't let go.
In some sort of strange karmic challenge, two very unexpected people tried to make their way back into my life this weekend...on the same day. Maybe it is the fall season that makes people nostalgic? Maybe it is the chill in the air that makes people want to have someone around them? Maybe I am overanalyzing and it means nothing. Unfortunately for me, it isn't that easy. It completely threw me off, and now, once again, I find myself trying to have to forget about them all over again.
So as all of you change your clocks this weekend, I'll keep mine just as they are. Japan doesn't participate in daylight savings anyway. Instead of falling backwards, I am choosing to fall forwards. I will keep moving forward in the hopes to not let past mistakes work their way back into my life. Maybe instead, I'll set my clocks forward a few minutes.... live my life slightly in the future? Perhaps it will give me some perspective of what's to come..... Or maybe for once I will actually be on time and catch the bus instead of taking another taxi.....-M
The air is becomig crisp again, one of the four distinct seasons is beginning to show its face in the leaves and in the air and in the sky. It is fall in Japan, and I truly love this time of year. I think I have always loved it no matter where I have lived. I hiked Mt. takao this weekend amongst what seemed like the entire population of Japan. We all had come to see nature show its true colors. And while we were at it, grab an asahi and mochi on a stick on the way. Although a little early, some leaves had already begun their transformation while the majority of others remained green as if they were jealous of the colors of their unique neighbors.
It seems appropriate that things in my life would fall into place in the fall. It's like the leaves of my life are falling into a perfectly formed pile that doesn't need a rake. Its the perfect pile of leaves that you would want to just dive right into and toss up in the air in celebration. But even though certain aspects seem to be falling into place, it is inevitable that other aspects of my life are still clinging on like fall leaves that don't want to leave behind their branches..... They just can't let go.
In some sort of strange karmic challenge, two very unexpected people tried to make their way back into my life this weekend...on the same day. Maybe it is the fall season that makes people nostalgic? Maybe it is the chill in the air that makes people want to have someone around them? Maybe I am overanalyzing and it means nothing. Unfortunately for me, it isn't that easy. It completely threw me off, and now, once again, I find myself trying to have to forget about them all over again.
So as all of you change your clocks this weekend, I'll keep mine just as they are. Japan doesn't participate in daylight savings anyway. Instead of falling backwards, I am choosing to fall forwards. I will keep moving forward in the hopes to not let past mistakes work their way back into my life. Maybe instead, I'll set my clocks forward a few minutes.... live my life slightly in the future? Perhaps it will give me some perspective of what's to come..... Or maybe for once I will actually be on time and catch the bus instead of taking another taxi.....-M
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Empire State of Mind
Our plane took off from London and we slowly approached the blanket of gray clouds that comforted this amazing city on a Sunday morning. As we pierced a hole upward through what seemed like a thick layer of down, the layers gave way into the endless blue sky. I thought to myself, "I am so very lucky. And I really hope that God realizes I am aware of that." I don't know why I always ponder these things while flying....it must have something to do with being closer to heaven.... Or at least our perception of it anyway....
I am flying back to that city that at different parts of my life has meant so many different things to me. In high school, it was where I celebrated my 18th birthday at the Hard Rock and sang at Carnegie Hall with my school choir. I saw my first Broadway show, The King and I starring Lou Diamond Phillips. I looked upon the city in amazement for what the world had in store for me, and my life was only just about to begin.
In college, it was a place I strove to go, be successful, and pursue my dreams of Broadway. I studied with the best of my class as we spent a very busy month auditioning and learning the ways and skills needed to survive in NYC.
And when I finally did move to NYC, the ideal slowly turned into a harsh reality that I wasn't sure I could have fully comprehended unless I had experienced it for myself.
Now as I return, under such completely different circumstances, I think about the girl I used to be one year ago. Do I deserve this? All I know, is that with the circumstances I am given, I'll always strive to be the best person I can be, hoping that in the end it will always lead me to the right path.
In any case, it just feels good. I have an endless version of 'If They Could See Me Now' playing on repeat in my head. 'They' being a select few people from my life that didn't support me or believe in me. One person especially in particular who told me "You'll never be on Broadway, just buy a f$@&ing ticket and get in line with everyone else." Well, I suppose he was kinda right in the end. But, for what is was worth to me, "Broadway" just represented success in general, and for that, now I can honestly say that I am very proud of the "role" I play in the show that's "Mandy's Life". It's coming up on its 32 year..... I like to think even ALW would be impressed.
So with one hour left as we slowly descend downward into New York, there is a very small part of me that really looks forward to getting into a smelly yellow cab with crusty and cracked seats. I look forward to the sirens and the honking....the street meat...the gorgeous people going where they need to go.... Because now, they can't take anything away from me anymore.....well, I'm just gonna hold on extra tight to my purse anyway.....just in case! -M
I am flying back to that city that at different parts of my life has meant so many different things to me. In high school, it was where I celebrated my 18th birthday at the Hard Rock and sang at Carnegie Hall with my school choir. I saw my first Broadway show, The King and I starring Lou Diamond Phillips. I looked upon the city in amazement for what the world had in store for me, and my life was only just about to begin.
In college, it was a place I strove to go, be successful, and pursue my dreams of Broadway. I studied with the best of my class as we spent a very busy month auditioning and learning the ways and skills needed to survive in NYC.
And when I finally did move to NYC, the ideal slowly turned into a harsh reality that I wasn't sure I could have fully comprehended unless I had experienced it for myself.
Now as I return, under such completely different circumstances, I think about the girl I used to be one year ago. Do I deserve this? All I know, is that with the circumstances I am given, I'll always strive to be the best person I can be, hoping that in the end it will always lead me to the right path.
In any case, it just feels good. I have an endless version of 'If They Could See Me Now' playing on repeat in my head. 'They' being a select few people from my life that didn't support me or believe in me. One person especially in particular who told me "You'll never be on Broadway, just buy a f$@&ing ticket and get in line with everyone else." Well, I suppose he was kinda right in the end. But, for what is was worth to me, "Broadway" just represented success in general, and for that, now I can honestly say that I am very proud of the "role" I play in the show that's "Mandy's Life". It's coming up on its 32 year..... I like to think even ALW would be impressed.
So with one hour left as we slowly descend downward into New York, there is a very small part of me that really looks forward to getting into a smelly yellow cab with crusty and cracked seats. I look forward to the sirens and the honking....the street meat...the gorgeous people going where they need to go.... Because now, they can't take anything away from me anymore.....well, I'm just gonna hold on extra tight to my purse anyway.....just in case! -M
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Something Missing
She rode the train home. Standing close to the door holding on to the silver railing adding to the thousands of hand prints that had left their smudgy marks.... like a dog on a fire hydrant. She glanced out the window, and as the train gently rocked back and forth, her breath slowly frosted the glass to remind her that she truly was alive.
As her eyes focused, she went back and forth between her reflection and what was actually on the outside of the window. And when she combined the images, it was if she was gently floating over the Tokyo bay.
She looked down at her feet and wondered WHY she decided to buy the ugly sandals that now not only gave her a blister, but reminded her of a bad Bollywood costume choice. Oh, ya, because she thought they were comfortable and cute when she had tried them on earlier...It seemed funny to her how quickly her perspective had changed.
It was dark out and the city lights glowed like stars on the horizon. It made her wish she had a better view from her apartment. But ultimately, she knew it wasn't the view that was important, but how closely her home could feel like HOME. And it did feel like home. After all, she was comfortable there... she had a great coffee maker. She had a washer/drier combo! She couldn't remember the last apartment she had lived in where she didn't have to climb stairs to do laundry. In any case, she was headed home... late at night... to her coffee maker, her washer drier combo, and although she was happy.... there was something missing.
She knew exactly what was missing. She was missing someone standing beside her taking her home, and supporting her from the bumpy train and drunk business men. She was missing someone to have coffee with in the morning made from that fancy coffee maker. She was missing someone to talk to about her day. She had spent so much time with herself that the conversations in her head even started to feel one-sided. That something, was really someone. And it had been missing so long that she couldn't even recall whether she truly missed it anymore.
But as the train slowly traveled on the tracks that lead her home as they had so many times before.... She knew that out there, beyond the train car...beyond the window....somewhere maybe even in the lights of this dynamic city.... or beyond the horizon....somewhere someone else was missing something too... and that something was her and he just didn't know it yet. And the notion that he was out there, somewhere, gave her something to dream about....-M
As her eyes focused, she went back and forth between her reflection and what was actually on the outside of the window. And when she combined the images, it was if she was gently floating over the Tokyo bay.
She looked down at her feet and wondered WHY she decided to buy the ugly sandals that now not only gave her a blister, but reminded her of a bad Bollywood costume choice. Oh, ya, because she thought they were comfortable and cute when she had tried them on earlier...It seemed funny to her how quickly her perspective had changed.
It was dark out and the city lights glowed like stars on the horizon. It made her wish she had a better view from her apartment. But ultimately, she knew it wasn't the view that was important, but how closely her home could feel like HOME. And it did feel like home. After all, she was comfortable there... she had a great coffee maker. She had a washer/drier combo! She couldn't remember the last apartment she had lived in where she didn't have to climb stairs to do laundry. In any case, she was headed home... late at night... to her coffee maker, her washer drier combo, and although she was happy.... there was something missing.
She knew exactly what was missing. She was missing someone standing beside her taking her home, and supporting her from the bumpy train and drunk business men. She was missing someone to have coffee with in the morning made from that fancy coffee maker. She was missing someone to talk to about her day. She had spent so much time with herself that the conversations in her head even started to feel one-sided. That something, was really someone. And it had been missing so long that she couldn't even recall whether she truly missed it anymore.
But as the train slowly traveled on the tracks that lead her home as they had so many times before.... She knew that out there, beyond the train car...beyond the window....somewhere maybe even in the lights of this dynamic city.... or beyond the horizon....somewhere someone else was missing something too... and that something was her and he just didn't know it yet. And the notion that he was out there, somewhere, gave her something to dream about....-M
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Grass is Always Greener.....
The air conditioner unit on the wall blew cold air on her left shoulder... as if a ghost had gently caressed it longing to feel the sensation of touch once again. Her apartment, still muggy with the transition to warmer and more humid weather, felt sticky all over. Although she was happy to ditch her winter clothes, she also dreaded exposing the weight that has been easily hidden all these months. Now she couldn't even hide it from herself anymore. She sat in her home....her apartment... her room... dark with only the kitchen light that created the gentle ambiance she so desired. Typing away on a laptop that had seen so many days and stories with her, she was ready to replace it as if none of it had ever existed...
She had finally taken some serious steps forward in terms of defining what her life meant in the dictionary in her head. And yet, the overwhelming loneliness couldn't help but cast a shadow on the great progress that had been made in her life. Comparatively speaking got old a long time ago when all she ever wanted was someone to be waiting for her... someone to love her.... someone to miss her.
It's the second full day that he didn't contact her. A million questions ran through her mind like an SAT exam on a Saturday morning in a cold classroom. Second guessing every single second guess, she came to the conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be. And even if he did eventually contact her, why would she ever want to wait that long again? And was it her impatience that was the culprit of her feelings or his disregard? And was it really HIM who she wanted? Or was it SOMEONE? She couldn't see beyond those questions even in her own mind. It was as if she was standing in a white room with white walls and no windows and only one door. The door was behind her... or was it in front of her? It depended on her perspective. In any case, there was only one option, and it was to walk through the door and keep going.
These feelings in her heart brought new meaning to "the grass is always greener". Sometimes it felt like not only was the grass greener, but it was perfectly manicured by the HOA, with a pretty house, a picket fence, a water feature, a small dog, 2.5 kids, a great husband, and her family and friends living close by her....
But for whatever reason, she ended up on her side of that picket fence. And in her mind, making conscious decision to accept it, she turned her back to that dog, the pretty house, the gardener, and everything it came with, to see what else she could eventually find on her side of the fence. After all, on this side, she didn't need a lawnmower. -M
She had finally taken some serious steps forward in terms of defining what her life meant in the dictionary in her head. And yet, the overwhelming loneliness couldn't help but cast a shadow on the great progress that had been made in her life. Comparatively speaking got old a long time ago when all she ever wanted was someone to be waiting for her... someone to love her.... someone to miss her.
It's the second full day that he didn't contact her. A million questions ran through her mind like an SAT exam on a Saturday morning in a cold classroom. Second guessing every single second guess, she came to the conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be. And even if he did eventually contact her, why would she ever want to wait that long again? And was it her impatience that was the culprit of her feelings or his disregard? And was it really HIM who she wanted? Or was it SOMEONE? She couldn't see beyond those questions even in her own mind. It was as if she was standing in a white room with white walls and no windows and only one door. The door was behind her... or was it in front of her? It depended on her perspective. In any case, there was only one option, and it was to walk through the door and keep going.
These feelings in her heart brought new meaning to "the grass is always greener". Sometimes it felt like not only was the grass greener, but it was perfectly manicured by the HOA, with a pretty house, a picket fence, a water feature, a small dog, 2.5 kids, a great husband, and her family and friends living close by her....
But for whatever reason, she ended up on her side of that picket fence. And in her mind, making conscious decision to accept it, she turned her back to that dog, the pretty house, the gardener, and everything it came with, to see what else she could eventually find on her side of the fence. After all, on this side, she didn't need a lawnmower. -M
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Blog Salad
Here are a series of unfinished, unpublished blogs in reverse chronological order.... I couldn't seem to finish them for whatever reason. Lately, my urge to write is strong, yet my ability to organize the feelings into words is completely non-existent. I feel like I am a shaken soda can that just needs to settle in order for all of this to become clear... So, setting the soda aside, grab a plate, a fork, and hit up the blog salad bar... all you can eat.
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I find myself fighting the natural progression of "growing up". The funny thing is that I don't want to go back either. Why is that? I can very clearly remember being told to enjoy being young because it goes quickly. And now, I can actually relate to what those adults were trying to say to me... It's like everything around me is changing, and yet in my heart, I feel the same as I always have felt.... just with a lot more memories than before...
Life is funny. Not like funny "ha ha"... but funny as in interesting.... coincidental... ironic... complex.... scary....amazing.... beautiful. I feel the urge to write. And yet, the thoughts won't come together in my head. I feel so much right now. I feel so much all the time.
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The Fever Talking
It is the day after Christmas.... what do some of you call it? Boxing Day? I sure feel like I have been in a boxing match! I had to work today, and about halfway through, a fever hit me like Mike Tyson and a TKO. Ouch.... symptoms galore, all I wanted was my bathtub....even if it was the perfect size for someone 3 ft tall. I may just be being punished for calling in to church... yep. I did. My friend invited me to Christmas Mass and I bailed on her... Do I feel guilty? Yes. I feel guilty about a lot of things. Which is precisely why I should have gone to church. But, I am just not a church-goer. How can I go to a place that feels so strongly about certain things being wrong, that I think are perfectly fine? I like to think that I am a pretty good person....not perfect by any means, but good.
OK... I digress... I didn't really want to get into a theological argument, I just wanted to write about the fact that another year has gone by... and this is the first year I didn't really feel like it was Christmas. I mean, I really tried! I listened to my Christmas mixes, I helped my parents put up their tree... I bought my treeless friend a tree... decorated cookies and gingerbread....and even made a turkey. But somehow, it still didn't feel right. I think the song, "I'll be home for Christmas" really hit me hard this year. I have spent almost 10 years trying to really figure out where home is.... and I still haven't been able to settle. Not because I don't want to, but because opportunities have come and gone... men have come and gone... friends have come and gone and I just haven't planted my roots.
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I find today to be an appropriate time to reflect on every aspect of my life and how thankful I am to be living it. I know that gratitude should not only be felt on one day of the year, but on all. Admittedly, there are days where I forget just how lucky and blessed I truly am. Life certainly has a way of keeping you distracted! But, as I sit in my brother's house with my entire family watching the Macy's Parade, football, the smell of stuffing and turkey fill the room and evoke memories from all the years before. This tradition is very powerful. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Don't Answer
(Like so many stories begin)
......It was one of those nights. Newly-single with a rebound looming....all around me. I found myself in a bar which shall remain nameless. We'll call it, Bar on Smith St. I was with two of my partners in crime, Eric and Peter. We had been drinking most of the night, as usual. It was an impromptu outing spawned by 5 dollar happy hour cocktails at a local Japanese Restaurant.... Our happy hour turned into happy night....
With more drinks, the boys grew tired, and I became increasingly curious of all the patrons around me. Like a wolf ready to pounce, my blurry eyes scanned the room for potential prey. The boys wanted to go, and I understood. I said goodbye and told them I would stay for another drink at the bar. ALONE.
Note: Do not try this at home. Staying out at bar by yourself is very dangerous and could lead to incredibly embarrassing or potentially dangerous situations.
But, the lonely "she-wolf" in me thought it seemed like a great idea. So, I did.
I found an open bar stool and sat down proudly knowing that someone would speak to me at any moment.... and even if they didn't, at least I'd have the bartender! And for those of you who know me well, I have a tendency to become good friends with bartenders.
I came to find out that there was huge party there from a local Law School. Talk about JACKPOT! I was surrounded by tons of lawyers-to-be! And one poor guy decided to strike up a convo with me! I'd like to tell you what he looked like, but honestly I don't remember. I'd like to tell you what we talked about, but again, I don't remember. But, I do remember him saying, "Wait, are you here ALONE?"
Yep. (Awkward) I am. I am here alone! And there was a tiny part of me that thought, maybe this wasn't such a great idea.
That was the guy to the left. We'll call him Don't Answer 1. Then, there was the guy to the right. He's Don't Answer 2. He was taller, and darker, but that's about all I remember. I remember him impressing me a little bit more than D.A.1. I was closing one eye, you know the trick, to try and see a clearer image of him. At that point, I should have acknowledged the fact that it was time to go home....
BUT NO! There was still the bartender! After D.A.1 and D.A.2 had long since left the bar, I continued to shut the place down while keeping Bartender company. We laughed, about what I can't recall, drank some more, as if I needed it, and he told me to wait for him. So I did.
I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. What exactly was I planning to do at 3 AM? Thank goodness he was a gentleman, and walked me home.
The next morning, I awoke with several missed calls from unrecognized phone numbers. There were voice mails that I'd soon rather forget. Images like a slide show began to flash in my head from the night before: Saying goodbye to Eric and Peter - Grabbing a seat at the bar - GnT - Some blond guy to my left and some irresponsible public displays of affection - Some brown haired guy to my right - A Bartender with gorgeous arms laughing and walking me home. Three guys, who saw me in some of my worst moments, who I vowed to NEVER see again if I could help it. I quickly labeled the unknown numbers as Don't Answer 1 and Don't Answer 2 in my address book.
Not one of my prouder moments.... But "To err is human...." Right Mr. Pope?
To this day, I receive many a late night call from Don't Answer 2. I think 1 got the hint. It is almost on the verge of stalker level. So if you can take anything away from this ridiculous story in the pages of my life, it's
1) Don't go out alone.
2) Don't write your number on bar napkins, and if you do, write a fake one, and if they try and call you to make sure you didn't write a fake one, say you have to go to the bathroom and get the hell out of there.
3)Don't let bartenders walk you home.
4)Don't let your friends let you stay out without them.
5)Don't drink. (Well, have a few, but know when to say when)
6) If you do accidentally give your number out without recollection, just label the person as DON'T ANSWER in your address book and DON'T ANSWER!!!!!!!
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To put an exclamation point or not to put an exclamation point..... that is the question (mark).
Why is it that punctuation holds so much power?? When you think about it, each punctuation mark by its very name sounds like some sort of unspoken bodily function (colon, semi-colon, period, etc) and yet, when used properly, they can manipulate your readers in such ways that can completely change the way a message may be interpreted....
(12:00 AM-text) Hey.... just got home.... sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow. See you at 7.
-or-
(12:00 AM-text) Hey! just got home!!....sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow!! :) See you at 7!!! :D
A few well placed exclamation marks can lead your boss to believe that you work ethic is infallible and that you are this year's number one nominee for employee of the year. Adding in those clever "emoticons" which are really just combinations of colons, parentheses, hyphens, P's, D's, etc, can really take your message over the top allowing your reader to actually visualize and believe that you are smiling, laughing, crying, sending flowers, kissing or even sticking your tongue out as you write.... riiiiiiiiighhhhht.......
:) :-) :o) :D :( :'( ;) :0 :P <3 @--->--->---- :* You get the picture....or emoticon. !
This all crossed my mind yesterday as I was walking down Lexington Avenue and I received a text message from my employer. It was a text about changing my hours for the week, ultimately resulting in fewer hours. On one hand, I was annoyed at the last-minute text. On the other hand, I was excited to have an extra day off. I composed my reply several times before settling on how I would respond.
"That's fine. Whatever works best for you." (No...... feels like I don't care...)
"That's fine!!! Whatever works best for you!!!" (WOAH! Way to excited and eager)
"Sounds good to me! Whatever works for you!!) (UGH Sounds like I don't want to work anyway...)
...so I decided on....
"Sure!" (Perfect... less is more)
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How was the salad? For some reason, I am still hungry! -M
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I find myself fighting the natural progression of "growing up". The funny thing is that I don't want to go back either. Why is that? I can very clearly remember being told to enjoy being young because it goes quickly. And now, I can actually relate to what those adults were trying to say to me... It's like everything around me is changing, and yet in my heart, I feel the same as I always have felt.... just with a lot more memories than before...
Life is funny. Not like funny "ha ha"... but funny as in interesting.... coincidental... ironic... complex.... scary....amazing.... beautiful. I feel the urge to write. And yet, the thoughts won't come together in my head. I feel so much right now. I feel so much all the time.
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The Fever Talking
It is the day after Christmas.... what do some of you call it? Boxing Day? I sure feel like I have been in a boxing match! I had to work today, and about halfway through, a fever hit me like Mike Tyson and a TKO. Ouch.... symptoms galore, all I wanted was my bathtub....even if it was the perfect size for someone 3 ft tall. I may just be being punished for calling in to church... yep. I did. My friend invited me to Christmas Mass and I bailed on her... Do I feel guilty? Yes. I feel guilty about a lot of things. Which is precisely why I should have gone to church. But, I am just not a church-goer. How can I go to a place that feels so strongly about certain things being wrong, that I think are perfectly fine? I like to think that I am a pretty good person....not perfect by any means, but good.
OK... I digress... I didn't really want to get into a theological argument, I just wanted to write about the fact that another year has gone by... and this is the first year I didn't really feel like it was Christmas. I mean, I really tried! I listened to my Christmas mixes, I helped my parents put up their tree... I bought my treeless friend a tree... decorated cookies and gingerbread....and even made a turkey. But somehow, it still didn't feel right. I think the song, "I'll be home for Christmas" really hit me hard this year. I have spent almost 10 years trying to really figure out where home is.... and I still haven't been able to settle. Not because I don't want to, but because opportunities have come and gone... men have come and gone... friends have come and gone and I just haven't planted my roots.
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I find today to be an appropriate time to reflect on every aspect of my life and how thankful I am to be living it. I know that gratitude should not only be felt on one day of the year, but on all. Admittedly, there are days where I forget just how lucky and blessed I truly am. Life certainly has a way of keeping you distracted! But, as I sit in my brother's house with my entire family watching the Macy's Parade, football, the smell of stuffing and turkey fill the room and evoke memories from all the years before. This tradition is very powerful. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Don't Answer
(Like so many stories begin)
......It was one of those nights. Newly-single with a rebound looming....all around me. I found myself in a bar which shall remain nameless. We'll call it, Bar on Smith St. I was with two of my partners in crime, Eric and Peter. We had been drinking most of the night, as usual. It was an impromptu outing spawned by 5 dollar happy hour cocktails at a local Japanese Restaurant.... Our happy hour turned into happy night....
With more drinks, the boys grew tired, and I became increasingly curious of all the patrons around me. Like a wolf ready to pounce, my blurry eyes scanned the room for potential prey. The boys wanted to go, and I understood. I said goodbye and told them I would stay for another drink at the bar. ALONE.
Note: Do not try this at home. Staying out at bar by yourself is very dangerous and could lead to incredibly embarrassing or potentially dangerous situations.
But, the lonely "she-wolf" in me thought it seemed like a great idea. So, I did.
I found an open bar stool and sat down proudly knowing that someone would speak to me at any moment.... and even if they didn't, at least I'd have the bartender! And for those of you who know me well, I have a tendency to become good friends with bartenders.
I came to find out that there was huge party there from a local Law School. Talk about JACKPOT! I was surrounded by tons of lawyers-to-be! And one poor guy decided to strike up a convo with me! I'd like to tell you what he looked like, but honestly I don't remember. I'd like to tell you what we talked about, but again, I don't remember. But, I do remember him saying, "Wait, are you here ALONE?"
Yep. (Awkward) I am. I am here alone! And there was a tiny part of me that thought, maybe this wasn't such a great idea.
That was the guy to the left. We'll call him Don't Answer 1. Then, there was the guy to the right. He's Don't Answer 2. He was taller, and darker, but that's about all I remember. I remember him impressing me a little bit more than D.A.1. I was closing one eye, you know the trick, to try and see a clearer image of him. At that point, I should have acknowledged the fact that it was time to go home....
BUT NO! There was still the bartender! After D.A.1 and D.A.2 had long since left the bar, I continued to shut the place down while keeping Bartender company. We laughed, about what I can't recall, drank some more, as if I needed it, and he told me to wait for him. So I did.
I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. What exactly was I planning to do at 3 AM? Thank goodness he was a gentleman, and walked me home.
The next morning, I awoke with several missed calls from unrecognized phone numbers. There were voice mails that I'd soon rather forget. Images like a slide show began to flash in my head from the night before: Saying goodbye to Eric and Peter - Grabbing a seat at the bar - GnT - Some blond guy to my left and some irresponsible public displays of affection - Some brown haired guy to my right - A Bartender with gorgeous arms laughing and walking me home. Three guys, who saw me in some of my worst moments, who I vowed to NEVER see again if I could help it. I quickly labeled the unknown numbers as Don't Answer 1 and Don't Answer 2 in my address book.
Not one of my prouder moments.... But "To err is human...." Right Mr. Pope?
To this day, I receive many a late night call from Don't Answer 2. I think 1 got the hint. It is almost on the verge of stalker level. So if you can take anything away from this ridiculous story in the pages of my life, it's
1) Don't go out alone.
2) Don't write your number on bar napkins, and if you do, write a fake one, and if they try and call you to make sure you didn't write a fake one, say you have to go to the bathroom and get the hell out of there.
3)Don't let bartenders walk you home.
4)Don't let your friends let you stay out without them.
5)Don't drink. (Well, have a few, but know when to say when)
6) If you do accidentally give your number out without recollection, just label the person as DON'T ANSWER in your address book and DON'T ANSWER!!!!!!!
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To put an exclamation point or not to put an exclamation point..... that is the question (mark).
Why is it that punctuation holds so much power?? When you think about it, each punctuation mark by its very name sounds like some sort of unspoken bodily function (colon, semi-colon, period, etc) and yet, when used properly, they can manipulate your readers in such ways that can completely change the way a message may be interpreted....
(12:00 AM-text) Hey.... just got home.... sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow. See you at 7.
-or-
(12:00 AM-text) Hey! just got home!!....sure, I'd be happy to come to work early tomorrow!! :) See you at 7!!! :D
A few well placed exclamation marks can lead your boss to believe that you work ethic is infallible and that you are this year's number one nominee for employee of the year. Adding in those clever "emoticons" which are really just combinations of colons, parentheses, hyphens, P's, D's, etc, can really take your message over the top allowing your reader to actually visualize and believe that you are smiling, laughing, crying, sending flowers, kissing or even sticking your tongue out as you write.... riiiiiiiiighhhhht.......
:) :-) :o) :D :( :'( ;) :0 :P <3 @--->--->---- :* You get the picture....or emoticon. !
This all crossed my mind yesterday as I was walking down Lexington Avenue and I received a text message from my employer. It was a text about changing my hours for the week, ultimately resulting in fewer hours. On one hand, I was annoyed at the last-minute text. On the other hand, I was excited to have an extra day off. I composed my reply several times before settling on how I would respond.
"That's fine. Whatever works best for you." (No...... feels like I don't care...)
"That's fine!!! Whatever works best for you!!!" (WOAH! Way to excited and eager)
"Sounds good to me! Whatever works for you!!) (UGH Sounds like I don't want to work anyway...)
...so I decided on....
"Sure!" (Perfect... less is more)
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How was the salad? For some reason, I am still hungry! -M
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