The Grass is Always Greener.....

The air conditioner unit on the wall blew cold air on her left shoulder... as if a ghost had gently caressed it longing to feel the sensation of touch once again. Her apartment, still muggy with the transition to warmer and more humid weather, felt sticky all over. Although she was happy to ditch her winter clothes, she also dreaded exposing the weight that has been easily hidden all these months. Now she couldn't even hide it from herself anymore. She sat in her home....her apartment... her room... dark with only the kitchen light that created the gentle ambiance she so desired. Typing away on a laptop that had seen so many days and stories with her, she was ready to replace it as if none of it had ever existed...

She had finally taken some serious steps forward in terms of defining what her life meant in the dictionary in her head. And yet, the overwhelming loneliness couldn't help but cast a shadow on the great progress that had been made in her life. Comparatively speaking got old a long time ago when all she ever wanted was someone to be waiting for her... someone to love her.... someone to miss her.

It's the second full day that he didn't contact her. A million questions ran through her mind like an SAT exam on a Saturday morning in a cold classroom. Second guessing every single second guess, she came to the conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be. And even if he did eventually contact her, why would she ever want to wait that long again? And was it her impatience that was the culprit of her feelings or his disregard? And was it really HIM who she wanted? Or was it SOMEONE? She couldn't see beyond those questions even in her own mind. It was as if she was standing in a white room with white walls and no windows and only one door. The door was behind her... or was it in front of her? It depended on her perspective. In any case, there was only one option, and it was to walk through the door and keep going.

These feelings in her heart brought new meaning to "the grass is always greener". Sometimes it felt like not only was the grass greener, but it was perfectly manicured by the HOA, with a pretty house, a picket fence, a water feature, a small dog, 2.5 kids, a great husband, and her family and friends living close by her....

But for whatever reason, she ended up on her side of that picket fence. And in her mind, making conscious decision to accept it, she turned her back to that dog, the pretty house, the gardener, and everything it came with, to see what else she could eventually find on her side of the fence. After all, on this side, she didn't need a lawnmower. -M