Lately, my brain has taken an incessant interest in replaying the last year and a half of my life. I am constantly thinking of the gamut of emotions and experiences that I have lived in this last year. I begin to wonder whether I really lived it at all. Surprised by the recollection and realization of my own memories, the more I think about them all, the further away they seem to be. The less like me they seem to be. And it seems like a life that I never actually lived, but more like a story I heard somewhere at some time in some place I cannot remember.
It may be the first time in my life where I actually can say that I have regret. I don't regret all of it, but there are definitely some aspects that I wouldn't mind erasing from my history. Wouldn't that be nice? I know "they" say you can always learn from your experiences.... good or bad.... But now I know the meaning of making mindless choices that do not teach me a thing.... do not contribute anything to my life... and those I would rather forget.... But... I guess, in a sense, even realizing this, I may have learned something.
As I move forward, I think about the path in front of me and forget about that bumpy diversion that lead me to a place called Nowhere. There is a familiarity about what I face and also an overwhelming sense of the unknown. I feel as if I have a fresh start.... I am a clean and crisp, brightly colored piece of origami paper ready to be folded and molded into a beautiful shape....a shape that defines something...a shape that can stand on its own...a shape that is delicate and beautiful while strong and long lasting. Even if unfolded, the tendency will be to return to what feels right... each piece fitting right back into place... on the path where I belong.
It seems only fitting to compare life, especially mine, to the art of origami. It is truly a treasure. The paper can tear or stain easily if not treated with the utmost care. With proper thought and attention, it can be folded into a beautiful shape. I am beginning to see how my life is taking shape. What shape will yours take? -M
Monday, November 2, 2009
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